Category Archives: cults

to all the lava I’ve loved before


Who is Xenu?

See also: CBS “48 Hours” Special On The CULT Of Scientology and the BBC Documentary that John Travolta doesn’t want you to see.

Everytime I look at Tom Cruise now I think, ‘That man thinks he’s a piece of lava.’ A piece of lava that exploded when the volcano was destroyed that the evil space alien Xenu put you in because you, yourself, were just so much space trash. Some of these actors and actresses who all contend to be pieces of lava can be so damn charismatic – but I look at the cover of their movies in the video store and just think:

BUT YOU THINK YOU’RE A FUCKING PIECE OF LAVA! HOW CAN I EVER TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY AGAIN YOU FRICKIN’ DUMBASS!

The Pursuit of Happyness? Starring a piece of lava. How does a piece of lava go from down and out to rich and successful? I don’t care. Can’t get past the lava. Xenu? For real? Are you fucking kidding me?

[Pictured from left to right: Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Beck, Nancy Cartwright, Paul Haggis, more.]

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